apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
