Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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