So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
