Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I touched a dick in church today
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
