you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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