Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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