Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize