Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
