my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
