too bad you live with your parents still
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
