Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
