Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
