My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
