The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
