Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
