i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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