Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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