The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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