Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize