Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
