she woke up with a sticky ear
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
