I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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