How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
