You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
