Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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