You don't have asthma, your pregnant
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
