She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
