Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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