somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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