We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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