all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize