That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
