I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
