I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize