I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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