Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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