ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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