# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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