you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
