After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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