I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
