the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
