I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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