Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's shark week go big or go home
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
