he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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