we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
