You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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