I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize