3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I cockslap morals
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
