I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
