respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
