i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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