I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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