I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Green mimosas i think yes
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
