her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
