hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
