so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
