If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
