Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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