I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
