I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
