I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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