Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
