I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
